


Excuses

by EmeraldWaves



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon verse, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Semi-AU Canon, Smut, Yaoi, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 05:18:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1498057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldWaves/pseuds/EmeraldWaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi continually comes up with excuses as to why he shouldn't trust Erwin Smith but as time goes on, it becomes more difficult to think of valid ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Excuses

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first SNK Fanfiction in a few months and this is also my first time writing Eruri, so I'm super nervous about posting this XD.  
> I recently saw a fanart of Levi crying seeing Erwin return from having his arm torn off and I thought it was really beautiful. It inspired me to write this fic, so I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you for reading ^^! 
> 
> (http://37.media.tumblr.com/3405c375911a5a252293f169b3487788/tumblr_n1ry0pK9g21tn422qo1_500.jpg)   
> (Source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?id=2812373)

“Asshole,” he snaps, the moment Erwin is conscious and can understand what he’s saying. The Commander smiles at Levi, shaking his head slowly. His normally pristine blond hair is now messy from the bed he’s been resting in.

“It’s nice to see you too.”

“Fuck you,” he growls. Though Erwin knows what Levi really means. “The one goddamn time.”

“What do you suppose you could’ve done with that hurt ankle of yours?” Erwin says and gestures with his remaining arm to the hidden bandage still wrapped around Levi’s ankle. “Better my arm than your leg.” The shorter man scoffs and turns his face away from his Commander. He’s learned by now that arguing with the blond usually gets him nowhere. He’s learned that the hard way many times...by now he figures it’s better to just take the easy way and let it go. He stares at Erwin’s left full arm and his eyes flick over to the stub that is now his right. He thinks Erwin may have been careless without him around...or maybe it’s as he said and there really was no other option.

“So losing your arm was part of your plan?” Levi grumbles after a long period of silence. Erwin smirks and shrugs.

“If I say yes, will that make you less angry,” he questions, but Levi stays silent. No matter what he says in response, he’ll just be wasting his breath.

“You’ve always been such a fucking pain in my ass,” he snorts, folding his arms. Erwin looks down and slowly wiggles the fingers on his remaining hand. Occasionally it feels like he’s moving the fingers on his imaginary hand...the ghost of the arm he lost. Sometimes he wakes up at night, pain shooting through his shoulder as he remembers the feeling of the nerves being severed from his body.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, keeping his eyes fixated on his five fingers. Levi’s eyes widen for a brief moment as he stares at the blond.

“Where the hell did that apology come from?” Levi asks, though he doesn’t really have to.

~

Usually Levi was adept at fast reactions and getting himself and his friends out of...troubling situations. Erwin Smith had been the first to challenge this and Levi had always hated him for it. Striking a deal with the man had been in Levi’s favor of course, but only because Erwin Smith had made it that way. Levi quickly realized that as reactive as he was...Erwin Smith was always one step ahead of him, manipulating everyone and everything on the path in front of him. Levi grew tired of this almost immediately.

Levi had sworn to kill him and for awhile he had meant it. There were times when they were alone and Levi would contemplate pulling out a knife, a quick slash to the throat. Erwin would never have seen it coming. Or maybe he would have, since the man usually was a step ahead of everything Levi did.

There were times when Levi could see the corners of Erwin’s mouth, just slightly turn upward, a knowing smirk. As if to let Levi know that he was aware of exactly what he was up to. So instead of acting on any of his urges, Levi just returned to his cleaning, paperwork or whatever mundane activity he was focusing on at the time. Erwin’s lips would stay turned in their upright position while Levi silently fumed. Erwin was never bothered by this, in fact, quite the opposite; he found Levi’s taciturn rage to be endearingly cute.

Levi begins to make internal excuses as to why he’s unable to kill Erwin Smith. At first...it’s simple. Levi is rarely alone with him, so how would ever be able to do it without getting caught? Then the excuses began to get a bit more complicated. ‘Hanji is waiting for me, I was the last one alone with him, everyone will figure it out right away, Mike will smell Erwin’s blood on my hands.’ They were vapid excuses, ones that Levi attempted desperately to justify in his subconscious mind and all of them ended with one phrase: ‘He’s always one step ahead’. This was the only way he found himself able to sleep at night. These excuses were the only way that Levi could continue to promise himself that he would eventually kill Erwin Smith. The blond was only human, Levi thought. Eventually he would have to make a mistake.

~

“Do you trust me, Levi?” Erwin asks one day after all the other squad leaders have left. Levi had hung back in minor hesitation and Erwin caught him, as though he knew Levi was going to do it. Always one step ahead, that Erwin Smith.

“No,” he says flatly, approaching the man’s desk. The corners of Erwin’s mouth turn into a full smile. Levi wonders if that is his real smile.

“Good.” Levi’s eyes travel around the man’s slightly disheveled office. He lets out a grunt wondering how he works in such a disorganized environment. “You can clean it for me if you like,” the blond says reading the shorter man’s mind. Levi clenches his fists. It’s conversations like these that reaffirm Levi’s desire to kill him.

“Do you trust me?” Levi practically snarls, throwing the question back in the older man’s face.

“I do,” Erwin replies and Levi’s fists slowly unclench. He stares, unmoving. “I know you’re always trying to figure out my every move, waiting for the right moment. I can see the plotting in your eyes. However, I don’t believe you’ll do it,” he states rather bluntly. Levi re-clenches his fists, once again Erwin Smith was one step ahead of everything Levi thought in his head. “But if the opportunity arises and you see it fit to do so, please, go right ahead,” Erwin smiles. “But I do trust you. I mean that,” he finishes. Levi doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. He just turns around and leaves, he apparently doesn’t need to say anything to Erwin Smith; the man already knows everything he’s thinking.

~

Levi is a Captain now and the excuses have grown even deeper. ‘He trusts me, my men trust me, humanity trusts me.’ And what better reason to live then for the sake of humanity. For the sake of Erwin Smith’s plans. Levi wonders if Erwin has always known that this is the kind of man he would turn into. Erwin Smith, always one step ahead of him. It’s the night before a new expedition when Erwin asks Levi the same question he asked him years ago.

“Do you trust me?” There’s a silence in the room, but it’s different. A pregnant pause, but not because Levi is unsure...but because he doesn’t want to fully admit the truth to Erwin.

“Do I really have to answer a question you already know the answer to, ass?” he snarks.

“Please,” Erwin drawls, urging the shorter man. Levi huffs out a small puff of air.

“...Yes, I trust you,” he mutters, it seems angry, but he means it. Erwin smiles. A genuine smile, one that Levi has never really seen before. A small blush trickles onto Levi’s cheeks as he quickly tries to remind himself why he hates Erwin. The taller blond walks around his desk, leaning against the front, standing directly in front of the shorter man. Levi hates that he looms over him...curse his short stature.

“Do you trust me?” Levi repeats his own question and Erwin just stares at Levi, smiling still. “Why the hell are you smiling at me all creepy and shit?” he snarls. Erwin chuckles.

“Your eyes have changed, Levi. Have you given up?” Levi folds his arms and closes his eyes. If he keeps them open, he won’t be able to lie and once again Erwin will have seen everything. He shakes his head in a slow no motion. Levi doesn’t give up.

“No…” he says quietly. Erwin leans in close to the shorter man and Levi can feel his breath hitting his upper lip and nose. Slowly he opens his eyes and meets Erwin’s striking blues.

“You’re lying,” Erwin whispers.

“Then why did you ask a question you already knew the answer to?” Levi mutters in a whisper.

“Honestly?” Erwin lets out a small chuckle. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

“Was it everything you hoped for?” Levi sneers at the man. If he moves forward he might be able to bite off the man’s nose, but Levi sees no reason to attempt to do that.

“Not quite,” Erwin admits.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Levi smirks, tilting his chin up, almost proud.

“Are you a virgin?” Erwin asks suddenly and Levi steps one foot behind him.

“What kind of question is that, you disgusting old man!?” he says louder than their previous exchange.

“So you are then?” Erwin guesses from Levi’s loud reaction.

“...No, I’m not,” he admits, folding his arms, turning slightly away from the blond.

“Mmm too bad, I was hoping to be your first,” Erwin says before wrapping his hand around the back of Levi’s neck, pressing his lips down onto the shorter man’s. Levi groans at first, struggling and pushing against Erwin’s broad chest, but as his hands rest on the muscles hiding beneath his shirt, Levi wonders if this might not be a terrible idea.

He lets Erwin kiss him, his hands falling to his side, rendered frozen by the action. Erwin’s lips are heavy on his own, though Levi doesn’t mind the feeling, they’re full and wet and he gently rubs his tongue along Levi’s bottom lip, forcing Levi’s mouth open. The blond man’s tongue wraps around Levi’s, the wet muscle forcing their saliva to mix, their hot breaths panting into each others mouths. Erwin’s hands are on Levi’s cheeks to keep his face close to his, though the shorter seemed to have no intention of moving. Levi wants Erwin Smith…there are no excuses now...not after that kiss.

“You gross old man,” he scoffs. “I don’t want your germs in my mouth,” he wrinkles up his nose. Erwin doesn’t need to tell Levi that, once again he knows he’s lying. Erwin moves to a chair in the room and takes Levi’s hand, pulling him forward, Levi stands in front of Erwin as he unties his cravat.

“Well,  I’ll put them elsewhere then,” he smirks, kissing Levi’s collarbone. He runs his tongue along the protruding bone, taking a bit of Levi’s flesh into his mouth, he sucks on his neck, leaving a small mark. Levi dips his head backwards, letting out a silent moan, a small breath of air escapes his mouth, causing Erwin to chuckle. He’s happy to know he has that sort of effect on the shorter man.

“Quit laughing,” Levi means to snap, but it comes out more like a pant. It doesn’t take long for Erwin’s hands to unbutton Levi’s top, pushing it aside to run his hands down his chest. Erwin’s large hands rest on Levi’s hips, pulling him even closer as he begins to kiss down his slender chest. Levi’s hips involuntarily rock forward, towards Erwin as his pants tighten even more.

“Someone is enjoying this,” Erwin mocks him, but Levi just scoffs. “Let’s see how much,” Erwin mutters and unbuttons Levi’s pants, pushing them down to pool around his boots. Erwin leans forward and takes the entirety of Levi’s cock in his mouth. He runs his tongue expertly along the bottom of the hard shaft and bobs his head up and down quickly, wetting the organ with his hot saliva. Levi let’s out a sharp moan, but quickly covers his mouth with his hand, though Erwin immediately stops and pulls Levi’s hand away from his mouth. “I want to hear your cute noises,” he says. Levi’s face turns a bright red...Levi is not cute and by no circumstances should Erwin Smith think he’s cute either...However as Erwin goes back to sucking on him, his hands find Erwin’s blond hair and more noises escapes his mouth.

“Fucking hell!” he snaps as Erwin strokes at the base with his hand and Levi is thrusting into the blond’s mouth, looking desperate for his finish. Erwin pulls back and stares up at Levi, placing two of his own fingers in his mouth, wetting them. He snakes them around, slipping them inside of Levi’s ass. It’s a newer sensation and his hands immediately rest on Erwin’s shoulders, his ass sticking out as Erwin’s fingers pump inside of him. His cock drips with pre-cum as he moans with anticipations. He hates Erwin Smith...he hates him and yet...he trusts him...Levi trusts him with his life, Levi trusts him enough to let him inside of his mind and his body like this.

After a third finger, Levi’s hips start pressing down onto Erwin looking rather desperate. “Someone seems eager,” Erwin mutters, kissing Levi’s upper chest again.

“Just fucking do it!” Levi growls his teeth gritting. Levi kicks off his boots as Erwin unzips his own pants, freeing himself from the confines of his underwear. He pulls Levi’s hips closer, so he’s sitting on his lap, straddling him. Gripping his ass, he places his large cock at his entrance.

“I make no promises that this won’t hurt you,” Erwin says quietly, staring into Levi’s eyes. Levi nods.

“I already admitted I trust you. What’s a little pain?” he whispers, wrapping his arms around the blond’s neck. Erwin gently presses himself inside of Levi. Levi’s nails dig into the man’s shoulder as he tilts his head back in a mix of pain and pleasure. His chest is heaving as the smaller man tries to catch his breath. Erwin keeps his grip on Levi’s round ass, but leans forward to kiss his neck, sucking on him gently. Levi sits back fully, his ass throbbing around Erwin’s sizable length.

“Are you ready?” Erwin asks, gripping Levi at the curve of his hips. The shorter man nods. Crashing his lips against Levi’s to muffle his quiet cries, Erwin begins to pump inside of him. It hurts at first, but Erwin fills him so perfectly, the tears that pool in the side of Levi’s eyes quickly disappear and his cries turn into moans of pleasure in Erwin’s mouth. Erwin pulls back, wanting to hear Levi’s needy noises. Levi tilts his head back, his hair falling onto the back of his sweaty neck. Erwin kisses his adam’s apple, sucking on his neck. “Erwin,” he pants…”Fuck...Erwin…” he hisses, his fingertips squeezing at the man’s back, his fingers digging in to his strong muscular back.

“Levi...ngh….Levi,” Erwin pants responding to the younger male’s cries as he thrusts up into him. Levi’s open shirt sticks to his back as his body rises and falls with each thrust Erwin pumps into him. Their bodies intertwined, Levi tries to remember why he hated Erwin Smith, because right now his body is feeling the most pleasure it’s felt in years...the most pleasure it has possibly ever felt. Levi tries to remember why he wanted to kill Erwin Smith...Levi silently thinks that this would be the best and worst time to do so. Best because he was vulnerable... he wouldn’t be expecting it...Worst because Levi would be losing the best fuck of his life.

“I’m cumming,” Levi’s breath hitches in his throat, letting out a guttural moan as he squeezes his ass around Erwin, his climax spurting onto both of their chests. Erwin follows close behind, thrusting deeper into Levi’s ass as he finishes, pouring himself inside. They collapse against each other panting...staying silent. There’s really no need to say anything...their act together had said it all.

“Was it always part of your plan to fuck me?” Levi asks, buttoning up his shirt, after he regained his composure. Erwin shakes his head.

“No, but it irrefutably makes things more interesting, don’t you think?” That is the first time they share an intimate moment...but it certainly would not be the last.

~

After a few months, the excuses are more personal now. ‘I trust him, I want to protect humanity, I won’t let him down. I can’t bear to lose him,’. All of Levi’s reasons are his own now, his own desires and needs. Levi doesn’t understand any of Erwin’s plans. No one does except for Erwin Smith. People may think Levi has been clued in but hes not. Even in their most intimate moments, Erwin shuts that part off from Levi. No matter how many times Levi has tried to pry during their most intimate nights in bed together.

“So you’ll do it? The boy won’t be expecting it,” The blond strokes the darker-haired males arm, as they lie, legs intertwined, in the large bed.

“Yes,” Levi whispers sleepily. “I already said yes. Stop asking me, or I’ll change my mind, just to spite you,” Erwin laughs at the shorter man. There’s a long pause and Levi can feel Erwin’s breath against the back of his bare neck. “Do you really think it’ll come to that?” Levi waits for a response, but all he hears is silence. He glances over his shoulder, turning to face the blond, whose blue eyes are staring straight ahead, lost in thought. “...Erwin?” Levi presses.

“If it does...do you trust me?” Levi shuts his eyes, his breath hitting Erwin’s bare chest.

“Did you get so old that you forgot the answer to that question?” he mumbles. Erwin kisses the top of head.

“Levi…” he mutters.

After more silence, Levi finally answers. “Yes, if it comes to that, then yes.” Erwin presses his lips against Levi’s, lingering close to the younger man.

“Do you trust me?” he whispers back, as he always does whenever Erwin asks.

“To do what I asked? Of course, you always seem to listen in other situations,” the blond teases. Levi pushes himself away from Erwin’s chest, glaring at him. “Oh come on, Levi it was just a joke.” Levi narrows his eyes but moves back towards Erwin, staying close this time, his head under the taller man’s chin.

“I’m too tired for your dumbass humor,” he grunts. Erwin rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Good, get some rest, tomorrow’s trial isn’t going to be easy. We’re going to have to fight for the boy,” he yawns, draping an arm over Levi, holding the shorter man close. It’s here Erwin feels most comfortable and most safe and even if he never admits it, Levi’s feelings are mutual.

After a pause, Levi speaks, “You’re not telling me everything Erwin,” he accuses quietly, attempting to delve deeper into the man’s mind, but the blond doesn’t answer. Levi can’t tell if Erwin is choosing to ignore him or if he actually fell asleep that quickly.

No matter how much the Captain wants to, he will never walk in-time with his Commander. Erwin will always be one-step ahead.

~

Levi had been one of the first to greet them back from their expedition, still angry he had to stay behind. He’s horrified to see Erwin’s right arm wrapped up, though his face doesn’t show it. However Erwin can see a swirl of emotion travel through the shorter man’s eyes.

“You stupid fuck,” he says, rushing to the man’s side. Erwin just nods.

“You’re right,” he says. “Your eyes really have changed Levi,” Erwin mutters. Levi shakes his head.

“Who cares about that! What the hell happened? You get too old to use your brain?” he asks. Erwin shakes his head weakly.

“I made...a mistake, an arm is a small price to pay...” he admits. Levi can tell the man has lost a great deal of blood as he helps him to a cart to be taken to the infirmary, he doesn’t care that his ankle feels like it’s about to break every time he steps on it with Erwin’s added weight. _‘This is it’_ Levi thinks. This is the moment. Erwin Smith made a mistake. For once in his life, Levi is one step ahead of him. Levi sits next to him as they transport him to the infirmary. The Commander’s eyes are closed and Levi knows he’s passed out now. Levi stares at the blond man remembering his original goal. A quick slash to the throat and Erwin would really never see it coming. Yet that old desire is buried deep within Levi’s body...practically non-existent now. To find it...he’d have to go to places only Erwin seemed capable of exploring in him. This was his one chance...and Levi had no desire to take it. In fact, it was rather the opposite. The only thing Levi wanted to see was Erwin’s eyes open, so that Levi could know he would be okay.

~

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Erwin sighs, staring at his remaining five fingers. Levi doesn’t like seeing Erwin so immobile; watching him in such a small uncomfortable bed seems unfitting.

“Where the hell did that apology come from?” Levi says. Erwin shrugs.

“I felt it was appropriate. I feel there’s a lot I must apologize to you for,” he mutters.

“Did that titan bite off part of your brain too?” Levi asks. In reality when he thinks about it, perhaps he is the one who should be apologizing to Erwin Smith. For it was Erwin Smith who had saved him after all. The corners of Levi’s lips move into a slight smirk.

“Don’t you dare think about apologizing to me or thanking me,” Erwin whispers and Levi rolls his eyes. He had his one moment and now he was right back to where he started, Levi being one step behind him. If Levi was being honest...he didn’t really mind all that much anymore.

“Do you trust me?” Levi asks. This time he’s first to ask. Erwin just smiles.

“Yes,” he says, looking down at his hand. Erwin raises his eyes and looks directly into Levi’s gray hues, his own blue ones shining intensely.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, the question they have so often posed to each other. Levi slowly stands, ignoring the pain in his ankle to straddle the man. He runs a hand gently over the bandages on his severed arm, but moves both hands to cup his cheeks.

“No,” he whispers. “Not if you’re going to make dumbass mistakes like this.” His dark gray eyes meeting Erwin’s perfect blues. For a moment, Erwin looks shocked; it’s been awhile since Levi has answered ‘no’ to that question, but the blond quickly narrows his eyes, reading Levi’s mind.

“You’re lying,” he says, his mouth turning up into a smirk.

“Then why did you ask a question you already knew the answer to?” Levi replies and places his lips on Erwin’s. Erwin raises his left hand, placing it on Levi’s soft cheek. As Levi feels tears fall on to his cheeks, he is convinced he can feel both of Erwin’s hands on his cheeks. The ghost of his hand he lost.

“Don’t cry Levi, it’s very unbecoming.”

“Shut up, you asshole,” Erwin ignores him and uses his left thumb to at least brush the tears out of his left eye, bringing his lips to Levi’s right cheek to kiss away the ones his ghost arm can’t reach.


End file.
